Why must we get married? Its just a ritual with staged theatrics for everyone else to acknowledge that you are now legally encouraged to have constant, loud animal sex for the purpose of the creation of the next generation. The media has placed such emphasis on the statement that "a woman is most beautiful on her wedding day", drilling into the vanity of women of all ages that the sole purpose of life for a woman seems to be to get married.
I believe we decide to get hitched also because we want to make sure that the fella won't be able to get away. It's like buying property.
But do we really want to get married, or do we just want an excuse to dress up?
To get married seems to bring about these few images:
1. Wear a beautiful gown that you would otherwise never have the chance to even look at it close up except though the glass windows of a bridal store; where you will steal glances as you discreetly slow your pace. i mean you can't look at the gowns on display for fear of being thought of pitifully as a woman that no one has proposed to yet. There is also a danger of being caught drooling. [i speak from experience]
2. Throw a grand wedding dinner to show all your relatives and friends how generous you are, and throwing fake smiles in every direction as you allow them to admire how beautiful you actually are.
3. Get all gussied up by a [sort of] professional make-up artist, satisfying the “I-am-a-model” craving that is apparent in every woman’s darkest dreams. Face it; two inches of make-up will definitely cover whatever blemishes there are.
4. Collecting enough ang pows to use as a bedsheet with the ability to be able to throw cash money all around as you do the duck dance in the privacy of your hotel room.
I admit; I spent the better part of my life just dying to get hitched. Most of my childhood was spent stalking brides while they took photos with the vast amounts of greenery in Botanic Gardens, all the while pointing at them and commentating in my cute high-pitched chatter every single move that the bride was making. This got me plenty of dirty looks which were hastily changed into forced smiles when they realised that people were looking. I spent much time thinking of the kind of wedding tat I would have, the color of the gown I would be wearing…. I also have a file where I store articles and pictures that showed gowns that I liked; décor of nice apartments and wedding themes advice. *blush*
But now, whenever I get to know that someone is going to get married, the first word that comes to my mind is, “ Siao ”.
Marriage is, of course, inevitable; and ideal, conforming to the conservative societal conventions that is typically Chinese; I don’t know what prompted me to have this sudden change in thinking, but I suddenly feel that making the decision to bed the same person for the rest of your life should be avoided until you are of the correct age and have the adequate amount of experience and maturity, and you are financially stable. Love can only bring you so far.
No one wants to be alone, and maybe getting hitched is just a reaction to counter the in-built fear of loneliness. I mean if God meant for us to fuck and go, why would he make the path to true love so long and tedious? Conversations won't be necessary and we would not have emotions. We would be living in a silent world where physical appearances would be the key to breed. Shopping would prevail; personality would be non-existant. So no matter how strong and independent a person claims to be, there will sure be times when they crave a bit of warmth and reliability from a certain special someone.
Now, I know I seem to be contradicting myself, me having impulsively applying for an apartment with the BF... and now nervously chewing on my fingernails as I subconciously pray for the contractor to take as long as possible to build it. -_-..
These few days, I have felt the love oozing out of every pore of the BF. His strength, his encouragement, his sacrifices; I suddenly feel so lucky. But hey, do you know how many disappointments I had to go through til I found this one?? I feel blessed, and I know that if i let this go I will not be able to find one that gives so unconditionally anymore. [although he has his many kuai lan times] Natural Human Reaction: ROM NOW! Don't let him get away! *starts swinging lasso*
Ok, ok, so maybe I want to get married, I want to have kids; I have seen successes and failures [although the failures seem to have left a deeper impression in my mind, judging from the failures that I myself have gone through]..... BUT I just can't help but feel that there is more to life than following the normal trend and living a normal life. I want more; I crave more. I want to get the fullest out of my youth before I settle for the next phase. But is it healthy?
I think, I am just not ready. Yet.
