pangs of nostalgia

i wish he wouldn't shout at me...wish he could have a better temper...wish when i showed my temper he wouldn't make it seem like i shouldn't...

*

only one more day till i start my new job. 1st August. my first REAL job...

i really hope that it would be ok and that i would have more encouragement from everybody...everyone seems to have doubts about the job.....making me feel less confident with every criticism that i encounter...


well.....i shall try and see how it goes.......for the money. of cos it would be best if i enjoyed it too lah.

*

just heard from charlene that one couple in our clique, the youngest one in fact, may and wing, are saving $500 EACH every month for their future together....

leading me to think of us.


we haven't been saving for the longest time ever...i know he got his obligations and all.....but there's still no mention of any savings plan that we should adopt...

when i tried to mention, he asked me not to go out too often, that i was always going out.......


-_-


i know that he has spent a lot on me cos of my unemployed status and all...but sometimes, i just wish that he would mention that he was thinking of our savings plan for our future....it would be enough for me....

with the house slowly being built everyday...


and the car is coming....he spends more time thinking what he would get for the car, what to change, when to buy what.....


just for ONCE, i wish i was in his plans.

worse comes to worse, when the house is almost done and we haven't enough money for renovation, we need a plan to sabotage and delay the completion of the flat e.g cutting trees, drawing on freshly-painted walls, make the lifts not work, etc....


who's with me?

*

i don't even dare to think of geting married anymore; don't want to mention the wedding package, the ring, the dinner.....

when i see bridal shops, bridal magazines, peopel getting married, people proposing.....i just feel a tinge of sadness and have a mild ache in the heart....


i don't want to dream, just to get disappointed.....


i don't need anything unaffordable, now even getting registered i would be happy. I would even PAY for it. only $20++.


but of cos i hope to get a proposal lah.



but seems highly unlikely at the moment....=(

brain-dead

sometimes i just require some assurance.....just a hug, letting me know that everything's ok...

instead i get accusatory stares, sarcastic remarks,scoldings......


tears and more tears...



when will he have the patience to get me through it & be there for me when i need him, instead of brushing me off like i am an irritating housefly...



at times like this...




sometimes i just wish something would happen to me so i can see who will cry for my pain.

The Simpsons Movie

watched The Simpsons Movie with him, my brother, Yenlin and Gracie!~

I haven't laughed so much for a long time! I think we all needed a laugh.

i particularly liked this part!

Enjoy!!

i love surprises!!

i was at home, happily minding my own business, when he suddenly appeared at my bedroom door!!

he was supposedly on the way home still, at least, that was what he said when we were on the phone 2mins ago.

i think he has a superpower.

anyway, he smiled and produced a plastic bag from behind his bag [note: still think he has superpowers]...

it was a gift for me!!! my absolute favourite!! something that i have been lusting after for a long time but was too broke to get:

i was so touched......he hasn't done something like that for a long time.....oh happy day!

i feel SO loved....*goofy grin on face* =)

Thank you dear!~

Finally!!

he brought me to watch harry potter!!


unfortunately, it wasn't as fantastic as it should be...seems like a flashback kinda movie, with no apparant links, and they even changed the storyline!! [Cho Chang's friend was the one that betrayed the DA, not Cho!! and Hagrid was suppose to introduce Thestrals during class, not Luna, who brought Harry to the forest to feed the Thestrals.]

it was like you were expected to know the story already, and watching it just to have a visual image.....



wasted.

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows

Finally!!! the book is finally out!!!

i pre-ordered the adult version weeks before at a popular bookstore, being the kiasu Singaporean that I was.

But when i arrived at the bookstore to get the treasure, thy told me that they were out of the adult version, and only had the children's version left.

Now I mean it was the same book.

But I wanted the ADULT VERSION!!!

Shouldn't they be ordering enough books to fill the orders? Isn't that what pre-ordering is for??

I bought it anyway.....after waiting for so long I can't wait another second longer.

Now, excuse me while I put on my witch's hat and disappear.

till i finish the book!

just a thought..

i know he loves me....

maybe he's just not loving me in the way that i want him to?
different way of doing things you know..


that could prove a problem.

COOL MySpace Comments

emotionally exhausted

it was a tough weekend...

quarrel after quarrel....

with him asking me to leave again....


we seem to be on different wavelengths...he doesn't understand why i behave the way i do.


and he just keeps adopting the "i'm right, you're wrong" attitude...

i'm starting to become paranoid, angry and picking at everything again.

now, i suddenly know why i'm so angry; why i keep pleading for him to show love and care, why i crave the comfort and concern...



i am afraid.


i fear he is back with me just because of habit, to complete his plan.

i fear that everytime he chases me away, is because he really wants to, and is using our quarrels as an excuse.

i fear that he will change his mind, that once i let go of my focus that i will nver be able to find my way back.



i fear that he no longer loves me.

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Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix

The movie opens today!!

I unfortunately, am still waiting for a certain someone to offer to bring me to watch the movie. =(

attached

have been going for interviews these couple of days......sometimes i think issit that i am too choosy or is there no jobs available?

and i have to run through the job scope, company name, location, salary, boss's character, size of office, etc....to him, my parents, yenlin and like half the population of the world before i can actually accept the job.

i think this stringent selection process makes it hard for me to find a job...ever.

anyway....me and him have been comfortably happy together recently, just the occasional fluttering of the wings of doubt ......

but all is good so far lah. thank you for all your concern and for keeping me company through this difficult time. =)

*

well....he has made a deposit on the payment for a new car!

this is his first time buying a car and has been a want for him for a long time!

at first we were apprehensive, cos the model he wanted was a bit overbudget, and his stupid stingy ask-him-to-buy-car-for-a-long-time-but-when-say-want-to-buy-suddenly-got-cold-feet-and-say-wait-one-more-year ngeow boss dampened our mood.....

but i, being the supportive, understanding girlfriend that i am, analysed the pros and cons of him buying another lesser model just to get a car, compared to paying a bit more to get something that he really likes.

i offered to help with half the installments.

when i get a job of cos.

of cos this offer is from the goodness of my heart, cos of love and all...

but, at least if i pay something, it would be ours, then i got share mah...heehee =P

i shall stick pictures of myself and my name all over so everyone will know HE'S MINE muahaha *evil laugh*.

but we have to wait till september before the car comes...

so, a sneak preview, presenting the Suzuki Swift Sports 1.6MT

cute right?!?!?!

good tidings!

i decided not to take up the job btw.....but guess what??

i have two interviews on Monday! after sending so many resumes out, finally i have an answer!!

but the thing is that.....i sent out too many, till i dun remember which ones are these....=(

so i will just try to find out and go unprepared on monday...wish me luck!

hope its a good job with good prospects, with good pay and nice colleagues and boss. haha.

*

and another good news!


i just got my results, and i PASSED!!!!!

i am now officially a GRADUATE WITH A BACHELOR IN MULTIMEDIA STUDIES!
*pats myself on the back*

steady right?



that's one hurdle passed, the thought of having to continue studying for another half year sends shivers down my spine....of course i will advance to get my Masters, but lets take a break from studying at the moment, shall we?

*

i am waiting for tonight to get the best news of all.........THAT I WIN TOTO. 6 million.

decisions..

i got offered a job in a image consulting firm today...

but after googling it, found out that forums painted it in a bad light....sorta like MLM; where you sorta try to get people to pay for packages and all.....i mean it is still a job right? just in a more, agressive and underhanded way.....?


i really hate MLM.


should i try it out just to survive this poor period while i look for another job? or maybe by some chance i might like it?

or should i reject it straight to uphold my morals?


damn.

the beginning

he has started to be much closer to me...and treating me nicely. making plans to go out, keeping me company, not being irritated with my presence...


my persistance has paid off?

i am still unsure....and so i voice out my doubts.


what are we now? i thought you wanted time to think? i thought you wanted your freedom?
a million questions race through my brain...


he looks at me with tender eyes, and gives me a hug; and utters the three words that I have been desperately waiting to hear.....






"I am back."