oh shit

i have been having one hell of an emotional week; with all the crying and sarcastic remarks and all. Didn't know that it was so difficult to let go.....but everyone seems to think that I am very strong and siao sa.......like real....that's what they see. I'm an expert in putting on a mask, see?

yesterday, had a quarrel with christine...at first we were exchanging sms-es in which she started saying all those lan jiao wei....i got so pissed then i called her and asked her what the fuck was she trying to say. She msged that "It's alright, since your mouth is so tight." then she continued with, "You are a clever girl. You know what I mean."

WTF?!?!?!?!

I was so hurt that she! of all people, would talk like that! I told her that i treated her as a good friend and by saying all this she really hurt me. Why couldn't they think of how i felt instead of thinking of how he felt??!!? Then she blurted out:

"You keep saying that we are good friends, then why didn't you tell us that you broke up with Alex? We didn't even know what happened, then suddenly we heard the news from him when we asked him. "

so she was angry with me because i didn't inform her..........but didn't she think that some things i just can't say to her? I mean, think about it. It's not like she tells me every single problem she is going through lor....she'd rather let charlene or jennie know.....so how can she accuse me of not telling her!!! Christine is one of the sweetest and nicest persons i know, and i never imagined that she would treat me like this. she has no freaking right to feel left out when she doesn't even include me lor....the conversation ended on a bad note.

i specially put aside a day to organise a gathering with all of them, then i get this crap. How am I going to face her on wednesday? What in the world am I going to do...

*

I had a dream last night.

It seemed like an answer to what I was praying for.hmmm....

I dreamt that I had a new boyfriend. It was just a normal thing....like everyday life......but like he was unwilling to do some stuff for me and/or for my family..... and then in the dream I kept comparing him with Alex, so many things to compare lor, like 4 years of good and bad all flash in the few hours of my sleep.....then when i woke up, i realised that....Alex really treated me very good[apart from the kuai lan and temper lah]....doing things for me without consideration...

i am so confused again. God help me.