Tiring Saturday

I went to attend SGTrackies' Drift Clinic event today.

It was held at that fateful place, Changi Exhibition Centre, again.
I get hit with so many memories when im there.


Guess what?


I was happily walking along, and minding my own business, when from the corner of my eyes, i saw a couple. They were sitting comfortably in one of the buildings, watching the drifting. I approached and took a glance.


it was him.....with her.



all the past memories suddenly hit me like a rock.

when he approached my way with her hanging on his arm.
when he knew that i was coming, and he insisted that she followed him against his will.
when he shifted all the blame to me, by believing in rumours and pulling up my past.
when i found out she was still around.
when i tried to be nice and explain and make him trust me.
when he ran away, leaving me alone with them.
when he left me, to give her another chance.


and to think that i tried to believe.


but surprisingly, i didn't hurt.
my mind just went blank.
i already guessed, although he was avoiding answering when i asked.


i just walked past them, pretending that i didn't see them.
i contemplated going up to say hi or something.
But i only have enough control to walk away and regard them as renovation materials.

i don't think i can stand trying to make conversation.
i'm not strong enough for that.

*

i just want to be loved.
to have someone that i love who loves me
who belongs wholeheartedly to me.
i should have the right to choose shouldn't i?
and not be forced.

*


i hate him. for the wuss that he is.
i hate myself for being so stupid.


i hate Changi Exhibition Centre.