Back from The Cold Country

I'm back from Auckland.

I wanted to go out and drown my sorrows in a blissful afternoon of mindless money spending but i got too lazy to do it, like i have been recently.

after starting flying, all i want to do when i'm home is to drink endless mugs of sweet tea, play games and basically do nothing. even thinking about dressing up, putting on makeup to go out, makes me feel so tired! i mean, i miss hanging out with my friends, i miss responding to last minute calls for a night's out, i miss feeling gorgeous and feeling good about myself. I wonder if i will get that feeling again.

I have been making a detour down the well-trodden path of long ago. i'm sure yet still not sure; scared to fall again. scared to stop and look back and wonder again. i don't know if i want to do this or not.


i wish everything was clearer.