Where have all the camels gone?

In dubai now, slacking in my room for the whole day.

The only time i went out was to go to the crew room to take loads of sugar for my tea. Finished a book, finished a movie [P.S I love you; you have to catch it. so nice]....just didnt feel very socialble today.

Felt lonely at first, but i don't anymore...suddenly. after praying, everything became ok, and i suddenly realised that i haven't been writing.


i have been procrastinating my writing. it stopped after hotstuff; i felt it first at my blog, then at oneshift; then my diaries haven't been touched in a long time.

I used to write all the time; when i was happy, when i was sad. I wrote poems when i was younger, which led to lines of depth that described my thoughts and feelings. I copied words of great writers that called out to me, that I could relate to at the particular time and moment. All these were in my many diaries that no one has ever seen. they contained my innermost thoughts and secrets of significant moments of my life that i could not share with anybody.

I have always been a vocal person, someone that talks about feelings and moods, and I don't hold back much. But i was always the strong one, always the one that fights back and the one that can handle what life threw at me. I couldn't let people see how weak I was. But writing gave me an outlet to reveal my insecurities and hurts that no one would ever understand. It took away the pain and recorded happy moments. It made me feel so much better, and made me loook at the situation in another light. Although i maintained secrecy, i always wanted to allow pple to know what i've been through and love the words that has given my comfort all through my life so far.

it also started my fetish with nice notebooks.

this blog was started out of boredom; a need to express as well as indulge in a new technology. But i was stilted, because I still needed to maintain my own right in choosing the information that I wanted to share with certain others.

I always wanted to write. To share my words with the masses, to allow them to reflect and touch them with what I have to say. I loved being in hotstuff, because it was a dream come true for me. Unfortunately, the commercialisation of the industry as well as certain events drained me, and with that, it was gone. The passion, the creativity, the wit; all gone.

I couldn't write anymore.

All that came out, in my blog, in my diaries, were all crap. Something that anyone could do. I used to be able to make people laugh and cry with what I wrote. I couldn't do it anymore. I became lazy and i think i just gave up.



but now, suddenly, I write this. I can feel it coming back. I want to try again.




I want to be Melissa again.


Stay tuned.