sleepless in ang mo kio

1.13am and i'm still awake, tossing and turning in my bed as I have been for the past few weeks.

mind full of thoughts as I subconciously go through [yet again] the story of the book that I just [re]read. another cheap, trashy novel, chockful of hope and dreams. same old story; girl has a chain of unsuccessful relationships, girl moves away due to family commitments, girl meets guy, girl falls in love with guy, guy unknowingly falls in love with girl's charm/smile/witty sense of humour/upbeat outlook to life/strength in dealing with problems/ability to make him laugh, guy reveals he is engaged, couple break up, guy comes back when he realises that girl is the one he loves, girl forgives guy...and they live happily ever after.

funny how they never show the next chapter.

that got me thinking, these books and their plot, however predictable, all with different twists, still almost always end in the same way; happily ever after. Why do we, as consumers, pay to read the same stuff, to know the same ending?

i guess, in the struggle to get through life, all we want and wish for, is to find happiness. No one wants to die alone and lonely. Not me, at least.

I've spent my life in search for my own happiness. I've gone through a huge array of men, from all walks of life, all ages, all shapes and sizes. So far all i've gotten are heartbreaks, shedded tears, and a whole load of shit stories that I entertain my friends with. Maybe its time to see what I've been doing wrong, instead of blaming them for being wrong.[although some really, REALLY deserve it]

Or maybe i've been going out with all the Mr.Wrongs.

But then again, maybe I'm the one that has the problem.

Am I the cause of my own string of failed relationships?

Slightly darker

Was looking forward to a nice beach holiday [and still am!] but forces of nature made it apparant that this was not in the stars for now.

contented with lying at the pool, reading my book and getting a tan. smiles all around.

we must be mad cos we went to the pool at like 12 noon. damn hot! well, at least managed to get the sun before the rain clouds took over its shift.

eat, pool, eat, sleep, eat....!

wish we had more time.

'Twas a great, lazy time. Just wonderful.



What's next?

The Bird is the Word

I love Family Guy!!!

dramatizing the situation

reminds me of how me and my baby's mind works!!!

i LOVE this comic.

go read it!

again

it was the longest 10mins of my life.

it's not gonna happen, is it?

now i know.

Why Try To Change Me Now

i love this song.

Fiona Apple - Why Try to Change Me Now

I'm sentimental
So i walk in the rain
I've got some habits
That i can't explain
Could start for the corner
Turn up in spain
Why try to change me now

I sit and daydream
I've got daydreams galore
Cigarette ashes
There they go on the floor
I go away weekends
And leave my keys in the door
But why try to change me now

Why can't i be more conventional
People talk
People stare
So i try
But that's not for me
Cuz i can't see
My kind of crazy world
Go passing me by

So let people wonder
Let 'em laugh
Let 'em frown
You know i'll love you
Till the moon's upside down
Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me now

Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me
Why try to change me now

sick again...

melissa is down with.....hmmm....until now i'm not sure what i'm down with.

it all started with the vomitting fest after that fateful drinking session at fly. after that came the numbness, the internal pain, plus the wobbly legs and headaches.

i have been staying home the past three days already, which only happens when i am like really really sick; well except for that two times [sneaky sneaky].

feel fragile and need lots of care now!

Postsecret

Lovely lovely~

L.O.V.E

When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with
somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Falling In Love Again

Do you remember the time when you fell in love?

How Can I Tell Her?

How Can I Tell Her - Lobo

She knows when I am lonesome
She cries when i am sad
She's up in the good times
She's down in the bad
Whenever I am discouraged
She knows what to do
But girl...
She doesn't know about you

I can tell her my troubles
She makes them all seem right
I can make up excuses
Not to hold her at night
We can talk of tomorrow
I'll tell her things that i wanna do
But girl...
How can I tell her about you

How can I tell her about you
Girl, please tell me what to do
Everythings seems right whenever I'm with you
So girl, won't you tell, how to tell her about you

How can I tell her I don't miss her
Whenever I am away
How can I say it's you I think of
Every single night and day
But when is it easy
Telling someone we're through
Oh girl, help me tell her about you

How can I tell her about you
Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I'm with
So girl, won't you tell me, how to tell her about you

greedy greedy...

i really really want a Fujifilm Instax Mini!

Its a mini polaroid camera that takes credit card sized erm...mini polaroids!

always wanted to get one but never managed to have the chance to buy it.

There's two in the market now; one the Mini 7s, and the other the Mini 25[newer one].

thinking which one to get, although the Mini 25 is the newer version but the older one uses AA batteries, which is more convenient! hmmm...

not that i know where I can get them now, cos they seem to be out of stock everywhere I go~

Yenlin has one, and we were already using it during our poly days to take crazy pictures of ourselves. I still have the copies of the pics in my drawer!

I really love the white color! But i think it sorta costs more.

hmm...i don't know how, but i sort of have the impression that there was one polaroid camera that is digital, allowing you to choose the pictures you want to print, and store the rest in a memory card. But til date, I have not been able to find it online!

sorry, Gene baby, for making you ask the shopkeepers for a non-existant product! =P

*

Introducing the Sigma 50mm 1.4!

I want this too......just because. Tee hee!

*

Well, i'm gonna go a-searchin' for my new toys!

Wish me luck!

My new Baby

forgot to tell you i got a new camera!

love it love it!!

...slowly but sure

I would like to be able to have all the time in the world to do nothing with you.

Timeout!

I need a holiday!!!!!!!

three weddings this year

i wanna get married too..

alone

i hate being alone overseas in the hotel room.

i seem to be going out more often recently. although im tired and all.

i'm not myself anymore. i am not the happy person i used to be, full of nonsense and the entertainer in a group. i now exclude myself and is content with just sitting in a corner and listening; hoping someone would show me some attention. i'm tired of having to get attention on my own. sometimes i wonder if my presence plays a part or not.

i cling desperately to my looks, my voice, playing pool, drinking, being the fun person i used to be; because i feel that no one actually would want to know me or be my friend if they dun have a reason to. without all these, who would see me for what i am? who would like me for me?

sometimes, being alone, i think of what had been and could have been. and i regret sometimes doing what i do. sometimes i wish that I could have had those feelings again, those moments replayed. with the same person. why couldn't i have held on to what was working, instead of leaving cause of my own fears and disillusions?

i'm scared, i'm wounded. and i'm not willing to heal myself but keep subjecting myself to hurt, and run away when an old wound threatens to hurt, even before it starts hurting.



when will i cross my own hurdle?

hmm

have been thinking of getting a blog for jus my work. i mean i could put my more serious writing there so i can share on a more professional level.

any ideas for blog names?


i managed to register melissacheng.blogspot.com but was thinking of using it to replace this.




suggestions?

Happy Birthday To Me!

I'm 27!!

Another year older, another year of happiness and sorrows.

Happy Birthday to me.

Endorphine - Nam Dtem Kaew - น้ำเต็มแก้ว

I have been going to Thai discos just to try to get the title for this song.
Finally I managed to find it! I love it!

Have to find their album cos the rest of their songs are quite good too!!

Enjoy.



วันๆที่เป็นอยู่ เฝ้าทำเพื่อเธอทุกอย่าง
wan-wan tee bpen yoo fao tam peua ter took yaang
Every day I did everything for you.

แต่ใจเธอไม่เคยลืมรักครั้งเก่าd
tae jai ter mai koie leum rak krang gao
But your heart never forget your past love.

เธอเป็นแก้วใบหนึ่ง ที่เต็มไปด้วยน้ำเปล่า
ter bpen gaew bai neung tee dtem bpai duay naam bplao
You are like a glass that is full of water,

ยิ่งเทเติมลงไปมีแต่ล้นออก
ying tay dterm long bpai mee dtae lon ok
which overflows when it is filled with water

คนเก่า รักเก่า เธอไม่เคยลบเลือน
kon gao rak gao ter mai koie lop leuan
Your past love is still in your heart.

คนใหม่ รักใหม่ เลยท้อ
kon mai rak mai loie tor
The one who (now) loves you is feeling disheartened.

จริงๆเข้าใจอยู่ กับความทรงจำครั้งเก่า
jing-jing kao jai yoo gap kwaam song jam krang gao
I understand that you hold on to the past memories.

แต่อย่าเอามันมาปิดกั้นหัวใจ
dtae yaa ao man maa bpit gan hua jai
But do not use it to seal the door to your heart.

เปลี่ยนเป็นแก้วเปล่า แก้วใหม่ เปิดใจทีนะเธอ
bplian bpen gaew bplao gaew mai bpert jai tee na ter
Change your heart into an empty glass, a new glass. Open your heart,

รับหน่อย รู้หน่อย ความรัก จากฉัน
rap noi roo noi kwaam rak jaak chan
accept and know my love for you.

ฉันยังต้องรออีกนานไหม ต้องรอเธออีกนานไหม
chan yang dtong ror eek naan mai dtong ror ter eek naan mai
How much longer must I wait? Must I wait for a long time?

ถึงจะได้เจอกับรักที่เธอเคยบอกฉัน
teung ja daai jer gap rak tee ter koie bok chan
Only then will I have your love.

เมื่อไหร่รักเก่าระเหย ฉันรอให้เธอได้ลืมเขาสักวัน
meua-rai rak gao ra-hoie chan ror hai ter daai leum kao sak wan
When will you forget your past love? I am waiting for you to forget her.

เพื่อการเริ่มใหม่ ครั้งใหม่ เพื่อเธอกับฉันและรักเรา
peua gaan rerm-mai krang mai peua ter gap chan lae rak rao
For a new beginning, a new era, for you and me, and our love.
(Interlude)

ทุ่มเทเท่าไหร่มันก็ล้นเท่านั้น
toom tay tao-rai man gor lon tao nan
However much I lavish my love on you, it flows away out of your heart.

ไม่อาจสัมผัสเข้าถึงสักครั้ง
mai aat sam-pat kao teung sak krang
My love is unable to enter your heart.

ฉันยังต้องรออีกนานไหม ต้องรอเธออีกนานไหม
chan yang dtong ror eek naan mai dtong ror ter eek naan mai
How much longer must I wait? Must I wait for a long time?

ถึงจะได้เจอกับรักที่เธอเคยบอกฉัน
teung ja daai jer gap rak tee ter koie bok chan
Only then will I have your love.

เมื่อไหร่รักเก่าระเหย ฉันรอให้เธอได้ลืมเขาสักวัน
meua-rai rak gao ra-hoie chan ror hai ter daai leum kao sak wan
When will you forget your past love? I am waiting for you to forget her.

เพื่อการเริ่มใหม่ ครั้งใหม่ บอกหน่อย
peua gaan rerm-mai krang mai bok noi
For a new beginning, a new era, please tell me.

ฉันควรรอต่อไปไหม ต้องรอเธออีกนานไหม
chan kuan ror dtor bpai mai dtong ror ter eek naan mai
Should I continue to wait for you? Must I wait for a long time?

ถึงจะได้เจอกับรักที่เธอเคยบอกฉัน
teung ja daai jer gap rak tee ter koie bok chan
Only then will I have your love.

เมื่อไหร่รักเก่าระเหย ฉันรอให้เธอได้ลืมเขาสักวัน
meua-rai rak gao ra-hoie chan ror hai ter daai leum kao sak wan
When will you forget your past love? I am waiting for you to forget her.

เพื่อการเริ่มใหม่ ครั้งใหม่ เพื่อเธอกับฉันและรักเรา
peua gaan rerm-mai krang mai peua ter gap chan lae rak rao
For a new beginning, a new era, for you and me, and our love.