Girl's night out

...well almost...marcus[yenlin bf] came after a while. -_-...

It's been so long since the four of us came out and had a nice girly chat, with lots of laughs and corny jokes that only we could understand; Yenlin, Linda, Charmaine and me. Turns out that even after so long, the bond is still there; the familiarity, the closeness, the mutual understanding, the frequency...it seems so right and so comfortable, like last time when we were still uncontaminated by the worst of life experiences and ways of the world. I really wished that the night would never end; when it was time to go, i was hit by a wave of nostalgia and melancholy, and wondered wen would we ever get the chance to have another gathering again. I wish i could just continue staying in the safe, warm cocoon of friendship and love. But, hey, we had to go home right.

All were plagued by relationship problems; the words just flew freely, confessing, the doubts, the admitting of own faults; its been so long since i could just talk, and not have to mince my words or think before speaking for fear of offending anyone or letting out information that shouldn't be let out...we four girls have gone through so much together, through faults, through mistakes, through heartbreak, tears and joy.

Thank God for friends. *sniff*

*

Well, he was behaving as if everything hadn't happened; like we were still together; i myself don't even know if we were still together or not. I wanted to tell him not to wait, but seeing him in so much pain, I really wanted to just go back to him and comfort him.......but i have to stop all this....if I can't let go, it would make it worse, and we will never be able to end this.

how long can i withstand the sadness that is emitting from him? he is trying so hard to get me back, but i have to be the cruel one. I told him that he should stop treating me as if we were still together, that it would make it even more difficult for him to let go. That I wanted to live my own life, going where i wanted, doing what i wanted, without making excuses for an impulsive action, or explaining why i was where i was and who i was with.

but he seems so lonely......everytime i talk to him, tears just form, i wan to love him, to comfort him and accompany him, to make everything ok.....but i cant do it. I have to stop myself.

I have to come to a decision soon.

*

marcus said that in my life, i have a lot of things that i want to do and try that I haven't been able to before. If I were able to go ahead and do these stuff, I would finally be able to be happy. He also said that I shouldn't care about how others thought of me and just do whatever I wanted...so maybe i should start writing down all the things that i wanted to do, just in case i miss out something. any ideas of anything i mentioned before? i'm having bad memory these days.

*

I wish this would pass soon.