Treasuring what is now

Do you realise we never treasure what we have until its gone? In this modern world, where independence and equality is dominant, we strive to be the best, have never-ending goals that dominate our lives, pushing us to over-stress ourselves, making us unable to fully enjoy what life has given to us.

Even if we decide to let our hair down and indulge in what the world has to offer, ignoring conventions in the process, society will be frowning upon us and we will inevitably conform to the expectations that bind us to our mundane, everyday, pathetic excuse for a life, convincing ourselves that this is for the best, that normality is the way to go.

How many of us can really say that, up till now, we have done whatever we wanted to do, and is satisfied with the richness of the quality of the lifestyle that we are having? Ruling out vices like stealing, killing, or randomly beating the shit out of pple you dun like, of course...

Everything we do, we have to face the music. We have to worry about how people are going to look at us, what others will think, whether its morally correct. I admire the individuals that dare to break through the box and just go on doing what they do. No matter the actions were wrong or right, at least the experience matured them and they can die without any regrets.

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I have made many mistakes during the past 24 years of my life. I spent much time sculpting my life to making others happy. Trying to make people like me. Trying to be cool. Trying to be pretty enough. Trying to be thin. Trying to be accepted. Trying to fulfil my parents expectations of me. I've tarnished my own reputation, cleaned it up, but indulged in my own secret cravings. I've hurt, been hurt, fallen in love, had my heart broken again and again. I've had disappointments, nights when i've cried myself to sleep, times when I felt all alone. I've had flings that I've fallen in love with, who never reciprocate. I've swallowed my pride, thrown tantrums, gone all out for a friend who didn't appreciate it. I've had a fair share of quarrels, of disagreements, of arguements. I've cut myself, physically hurting myself to ease the pain inside. I've given in, and been let down. I've given up mykel and melvin, both whom I would have loved very much if i only had the choice. I've gone through what most would not wish to go through. Most of the time alone.

Oh I've had many many happy moments too.

If I had my life to live all over again, I would still do the same things. With the sad came happiness. I told myself I will not wear a mask anymore. I will still give to my friends unconditionally. I will still do what i do.

If all these didn't happen, I would not be me. I would not be Melissa.

Live life to the fullest. Like its your last day on this Earth.