I'm in my lowest period right now; wandering around aimlessly, dunno what to do, where to go, what choice to make.....i want to just run away from everything and pretend that nothing is wrong.....as i always do...but reality keeps forcing me to come to a decision.
I really love him, but i dunno what's stopping me from going back...everytime he touches me, everytime he makes references to our future, i feel so scared, so fan gan...i can't let him touch me, everything he does i get so frustrated, so angry......i just keep pushing him away; leave me alone...he is trying i know....but i'm afraid that it will all come back to square one again.
On the other hand, he, who loves me unconditionally, who gives in to my every whim and every request....i'm happy, but i'm afraid that it might not last. I dun want to hurt again, dun want to break another heart......we seem so unsuitable, but so suitable at the same time.
i choose the easy way out; dun make any choice, just give up everything, and live my own life, like nothing is wrong......
i choose freedom.
i want to do whatever i want, whenever i want. not to have to worry about another's feelings, not to have to report, not to have to ask permission or arrange a premature ending of a potentially good night.
I have friends, so many people who love and care for me. I dun have to be afraid that i will not have anything to do to occupy my time. i'm out almost everyday and every night, and i still haven't met up with all yet...
Yet, I have never felt more lonely.
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