he is not sure, he wants time to think about it before he makes a choice...again...then he tried being very nice to me for the whole day...forcing himself to have the feeling again.
what's the point? i couldnt just sit there and pretend nothings wrong and behave as normal when i keep thinking when, when will he say he wants to leave me???
am i so difficult to love?
he just agreed to take a break from each other so easily......so sad.......charmaine brought up the fact that he never even indicate for how long.....so am i supposed to wait indefinately??? without even knowing what the answer is until he decides to make a decision?
its only been a day, and he still calls and messages like nothing is wrong......im so confused......whats that meaning of this? is he pitying me? or feeling guilty?
its only been a day, and i already miss him so damn much
i dont want him to treat me well because of guilt.
***
last night, under the influence of alcohol, i sent an impulsive sms to him, "I'm so bored without you"........only to get a reply, "dun be like that, its only the first day.."
i hurt.
as i left to go home from union, the skies cried the tears that i was unable to shed. Exchanging sms-es as he warned me about the weather, and i asked him if he was going to take an umbrella to shelter me...half-jokingly of cos...but i hope..
exhausted by a chatty taxi driver, greeted by a barran void deck, i had the sudden impulse to just drench myself in the heavy, heavy rain. maybe it would make me feel better.
i satisfied myself by sitting there, as i inhaled.
waiting for the long long lift, suddenly, from the corner of my eye, i saw...him. he braved the rain to come shelter me....
im so touched that he did that for me; and i know he loves me, but i know its not an answer.
dear. thank you for at least making me happy for one night, when i was most down.
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