Frustrated

I am so angry!!!!!

why does he keep bringing up my past to accuse me!
worse thing is that i haven't done ANY of the things he accused me of!!

i hate all these people who spread rumours about me and try to drive the wedge between us deeper. all my fucking life, i have been gossiped about, accused, disliked. i haven't even done anything! the rumours and gossips are all never even close to the truth.
why do they always do this to me? what have i ever done to deserve all these unfounded accusations? what have i ever done to them...why do they have to talk about me like that. why do people hate me so much...


i am so sad, so frustrated.
everything i try so hard to do, wasting my breath to explain and convince and pacify, when he should be the one doing it! he was the one that was unfaithful, that lied, that left me standing alone! he was the one that chose to leave me for her! he was the one that was in the wrong but i gave in time and time again, i believed him, and i gave him time. i tried to be patient, and understanding. and he fucking took it for granted! what's the point of m trying so hard but for nothing?!?! and i have to keep explaining to him over and over to explain my fucking PAST!!
and all done without even having a fucking clue whether we will ever get back again.

listen up, bastard, I should be the one thinking, I should be the one choosing, I should be the one that deserves an explanation, Not YOU. Go ahead, be childish and narrow. keep blaming me for my PAST and question the choices i made, the things that happened. if you were looking for someone that never had a boyfriend before, you're looking the wrong direction. You fell in love with me for ME; for my quirks, for my habits, for the way i talk, the way i loved you wholeheartedly. But now you're blaming me for being ME?!?!?! GROW UP!!!


and it hurts so fucking much that......he doesn't realise what i have sacrificed, and what i have done, for him. he will never know and appreciate what i did. he doesn't even seem to admit that he is wrong in any way, or that he has hurt me so badly....he doesn't know.


im so drained, so tired, so down. the light within me has extinguished, due to the tremendous effort i put in to try to make him stay. i know now that it is of no use. i have to stop the tears from falling, as my heart bleeds when i chase him away, chasing away the one that makes me so happy, yet so sad.


i love you so much, darling.
But please go away.