A painful loss

My grandmother passed away on 12th September, Friday.

She had struggled with cancer for the past six years.
She was strong and never complained, enduring the painful treatments and trying out new drugs in a bid to be healthy again.

She lost the battle with cancer.

My grandmother is 76.


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These five days, we have been at the wake;
Keeping awake the whole night, protecting my grandmother as she laid frail and peaceful in her coffin.

she has become so thin.
her body bears the scars of the many blood tests and medicines that were used to try and cure her, but in vain.
she is but a shadow of the bubbly person she used to be.


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as we went through the simple rites to lead her into the other side, we took a last look before the coffin was sealed forever. I can't accept it. She looks like she is just sleeping. its so surreal; i can't believe she is really gone.

i was filled with regret as i recalled how little i did, so caught up in my own life, instead of treating her better. I brushed her off when she tried to chat with me, as I disliked her nagging. She gave me advice and concern when i was upset; took care of me when I was sick. Although we weren't very close, these years that she lived in my house, we managed to create a neutral relationship.

i helped her paint her nails, i helped her take the rap when my mum was being unreasonable. I laughed with her, I bought food for her. I tried to care. But now i feel that I could have done so much more.


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I wish I painted her nails again before she left us. I know she would like to have nicely painted nails when she left this world. I wish i did that for her.


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we had to push the hearse to the main road, as we sent our grandmother on the path to her final journey. my tears just flowed freely. its so unfair. i don't believe its real.

we watched as the coffin was sent to be cremated. words cannot describe the sorrow we felt.


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Rest in Peace Grandmother.