The past few days have been easier to pass than the previous few times. Occupying myself with activities, work, friends, alcohol.....but he still flits through my mind more times than I can imagine. Stolen glances at my mobile, willing it to ring or chime, with the name of that much-missed caller flashing.
But it stays silent.
Every night as I lay down to sleep, tears involuntarily form in my eyes. The pain...unbearable. I inevitably think of negative thoughts. do you miss me? are you thinking of me like i'm thinking of you?
As much as i try to make my days chockful of activities, I wonder how could he just drop me and get on with life like nothings wrong, when everything I do, I wish he was with me to share the moment.
I hold myself back, remembering my promise to keep away, to give space...just wishing that he would be the one to make the first move instead; telling me he misses me, that he has to see me...but its not happening. I grew weak and made a call; to hear his voice, to relive the moments...but was greeted with the cheerful voice of the automated message informing me that the reciver can't be reached.....over n over i call, feverishly trying to get an answer...just to face the same thing....it is unusual.
maybe that is my answer...i just wish he would have told me straight in the face like he promised.
Baby....have you forgotten me already?
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