Sunshine through my window

so many obstacles, so many misunderstandings.
forgiven, forgotten.
with love to lead the way.

with God to shine the light on the path out of darkness.


Now i am finally walking the path, with you.


don't let me down, darling.

hurt

he said i should have called...

i should have.
i guess i was just stupid to wait and hope that he wouldn't do anything wrong.
is it wrong to try and trust someone.

can't he see i love him so much?
can't he see that i really want to be with him?

i wait on stupidly, against everything that happened, against all protests.

can't he just fucking trust me?!?!



when i finally love someone so much, he has to do this.
when i finally give up everything else, he cast me away.


i feel like breaking down; i have to smile and pretend nothing's wrong.



i feel like dying.
my heart's dead already.


darling please trust me.
Please don't leave.

in agony

i am in pain.

the whole of today moping around home, not knowing what to do or where to go.
all the time wondering why? why does he do what he does?
why did he have to do the same thing again, without thinking about how i felt?
why, when everything was going fine?

suddenly i realise, this is the end.
i don't mean enough.
i cant help but have the hope, cos i really care so much about him.

but...i am not his first priority.

what i want is simple: someone whom i love who loves me back.
whose first priority is me, who has me on his mind every minute;
someone who trusts me and my love, who is honest and true to me.
who can't live without me, who will reject all other advances, as he loves only me.

i want to make him laugh, share his problems, go through the ups and downs together.
we can have fun together, be silly together, have a connection that no one can penetrate.


he doesn't seem to realise i have feelings, and hurts me over and over.
i just want him to stop being so mean, and believe in me.
i want to feel the security and love.
i wish the silence would stop.




i want an answer.

heartbreak

i can't believe he did that....
with no consideration for my feelings.

i hurt so badly inside.
its like a knife being plunged repeatedly into my heart, and being dragged all over.

i am trying so hard, but he is not doing his part.

darling, don't you care about me at all?

i endure everything that comes my way. but i hurt.
i'm human too you know.

how would you feel if i did the same thing to you.
would you trust me? could you trust me?


i don't know how much more can i take.
i will try....but i hope to see some effort from the other side also....



love hurts.
i am so sad.

Colour the iPhone

As much as I am in love with my iPhone, I shudder everytime I see the scratched cover with its battle scars. (my fault; dropped it 4 times), not to mention the fingerprinted screen (i don't work well with smooth surfaces) and peeling ends of the screen protector (i always get things scratched). I would like to change the cover.

I try my best to maintain it, but the powder on my face gets into the nooks and crannies, and the natural oils on the fingers(touchscreen phone) leaves its mark everywhere! And my well-known clumsiness....

*

Anyway, that's out of the point.

I just went through The Apple Blog and saw this great new product!
ColorWare has just released their Customized ColorWare iPhone product.
You can send in your iPhone to get colorized for $149 (you’ll need to part ways with it for 8-10 days).

Or you can purchase a new iPhone at $649 for the 4GB or $749 for the 8GB.
They have 29 color combinations available.

Nice right?? I like!!

But can be done only in the US.



Damn.

Weekend Road Trip

Just came back from the weekend trip to Malaysia with my colleagues.

so tired but it was good bonding.
quite fun, but not very.

my colleagues are a great bunch, gonna miss those that are planning to leave.
difficult to find a whole group of pple that work together as a team with no politics or backstabbing.

*
had some time to think....about him.

had great reminders throughout the trip.
am more in love now, but painfully. But so much, so much deeper.

do you feel so too, my darling?

*


will give more details of the trip when i get pictures from them.

heartbreak..and mends...and breaks again

haven't had the mood nor the time to do much.

have been drinking lots recently, wanting company but preferring to be alone.
because the company i crave is the one that doesn't appear.

day and night, every second of the day, his face plays over and over in my mind, like a broken record.
my heart aches whenever i go past places we've been, bringing back memories of things we have done before.

reading through his messages over and over....reminiscing, smiling to myself.

i am not me anymore.
the old melissa would have moved on long ago.
the old melissa would have given up.

after everything, i still hold on to the hope.
I know its right, it feels right.
i truely believe that I am not stupid, although sometimes i feel like a fool.

dun ask me to give up, dun try to make me change my mind.
i will hate anyone who does that.
go away and leave me alone.


i know what i want. i know he loves me.
This whole relationship has met with obstacles after obstacles.
There's so much more we have to go through together.
But surprising we still held on.


so this is love. but it's full of question marks.

if only

shattered dreams

i got ditched again...

the worse thing is that i really really liked him.
after so long, i finally had such strong feelings for someone.



but he lied to me.

and i keep believing him, just to be disappointed again.


i feel like a fool, holding on to the hope.





i'm so tired.

new new!!

i have new gadgets!

dun get the wrong idea yet...i'm horribly broke at this moment, trying to make a two-digit balance bank account last til payday, which is on the 7th...which is unfortunately almost two weeks from now.

my last pay was to pay off the Tokyo, what i bought for tokyo, my handphone bills and what i owed my mother.

so i'm officially broke.

but suddenly i have two new gadgets, thanks to my daddy!

firstly, i got a Sony PSP Slim!

apparantly he got it cheap. i don't care! it's free and it's mine!!!

i really wanted red. but they didn't have stock. so i chose white instead.

kinda common, but i figured i could always zhng my PSP with stickers or i could spray it.

next, my dad passed me the iPhone!

at first i just wanted to play with it for the day.

then after much trouble for the whole day, i told my dad it was not user-friendly, with no MMS, redundant BlueTooth that can't send or receive pics or songs, no sms forwarding...not to mention the small buttons, and the difficulty in using it. and me being so clumsy, i was so afraid i would scratch it!

Then i said but if he give me i take lah.

then he said ok lor.

-_-

i got a shock! cos i wasn't really thinking about changing my mobile phone.

then my dad already told the guy who originally wanted to buy that iPhone that I wanted it.

so i was stuck with it! *pengz*

worst thing, i found out about all the faults after that!

but now, after two days of using the phone i got stuck with, i fell in love.

firstly, its still quite rare, so i took to holding it in my hands whenever i go out in public. I feel like a mini-celebrity as people recognise the gadget in my hands and go "Wah, iPhone ah!!!"

secondly, i discovered the world of third-party application downloads. Enough said.

i am a happy girl. =)

tired...

My horoscope today says:

Worrying about unplanned obstacles is a waste of time. Appreciate the time you have now as a couple, or work together as a team to overcome problems as they arise, not before.

hmm...i guess that's quite true ya?
i do tend to keep thinking of the negative side of stuff...


anyway just went through yet another production period..
but this time, we were sort of production-ing the whole freaking month.


i really feel like getting away and taking a break.
but....work still goes on.



so tired.

shattered dreams

have you ever felt so low that nothing in the world would make it right?
I have.

have you ever cared about somebody so much it made you cry?
I have.

have you ever missed someone so much you can't sleep at night?
I have.

have you ever given up everything, just to be with someone?
I have.

have you ever found out something that makes the tears just flow non-stop?
I have.

have you ever just spent the whole day sitting there, staring into space, feeling your heart break over and over?
I have.

have you ever thought you found the One and gave up everything, just to try?
I have.

have you ever felt your heart break and heard all the shattered pieces scatter?
I have.

have you ever cried till you can't cry no more, but you still hurt?
I have.

have you ever felt the pain of giving someone you care about up, when you really don't want to at all, just so that others would be happy?
I have.



and all in one day.




i hurt.

sleepy tuesday

i'm in the office of hell, with a mountain-load of work piling up, and no mood to do it.

i'm so sleepy and tired, with a backache. It doesn't help that i feel so grumpy today.

i want to go home.


*

hey, have you ever thought that there's a particular person in this world, that is The One?

someone that, doesn't matter how long you know each other, you just know that you want to be with that person, just directly abduct them and make them marry you, to live happily ever after?

someone whose faults you can live with, whom you can list the things that you love about them, and you just know that it is almost perfect?

someone who you are genuinely happy with, no matter what?

I believe.


Just that maybe.................. I don't think i will be able to meet with that person in this life.




Let's hope i'm wrong ya?

Quote of the Day

"In order to love a living person well, one must love him as if he
were to die tomorrow."

Certainly brings food for thought, doesn't it?

At first, i was skeptical. But think about it.

If you knew a loved one was going to die the next day, you would be so accomodating, and loving, giving in to his wishes, fufilling his needs, as it would be his last day on earth.

if you could keep it up, you and your certain someone would be very happy indeed.

however, you have to keep telling yourself:"She/He's gonna die tomorrow."


kinda takes all romantic notions away, yes?



well, it doesn't hurt to try it out once in a while. =)

...and the leaves rustle past

am at work now, slaving through another production period....

dunno why suddenly feel so empty, so lonely.

it's not the "need-company" kind of lonely, its the "leave-me-alone-well-maybe-yenlin-or-charmaine-only" kind of lonely....


after going through yet another car feature article, and rushing another interview, suddenly, my mind just goes blank and i wonder:

"What am I doing with my life?"


i have great friends who are there for me always, no matter the time, place or scenario. And you wouldn't believe what kinds of scenarios are there....

i have my dream job which i hate and love at the same time. Although the money and hours and management aren't great, but my colleagues take the pain away as we struggle together, making laughter from our exhaustion.

i have no money problems yet.



but i feel so empty inside. so undecided. so unsure of my next move.

the relationships part sucks.



why are my relationships always a failure?
why can't i just close both eyes and not care?
why do i have to care so much, fretting over ever small detail?
why can't i let go of the past and move on with an open mind?
why can't i stop blaming others and myself?
when will i trust again?


why can't everyone just leave me alone....go away........


it just doesn't feel right, and i can't force myself to make it feel right, can I?

i am just not happy. something just feels wrong.




i need a sign.

sick

sorry for the lack of updates....

i am still coughing like my lungs are bursting, although it has developed into a 10min sudden coughing fit after a period of being perfectly normal.

i have blood in my phelegm.

i am sick of work....with no morale to continue on.


my relationship's still in a confused haze.



give me a while ok?

Happy Valentines' Day

What would you be doing tonight?

Just remember: Always Wear Protection! You don't want any accidents, do you?

Back to work

Chinese New Year is past and gone.

It seems so fast how one year comes after another....

Anyway, i was sick for the whole of the holidays, and am still recovering slowly now...

got pictures and some news, but work sucks so not much mood to talk about it yet.
once come back its production period again...

and btw, my boss said that the company wasn't making money, hence the lack of bonus and small ang bao.

But guess what? he just bought a BMW.
Second-hand. But......

Well....



anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the holidays more than i did.

My latest obsession

Guess what?

I finally got the expansion!! Now the Sims 2 comes with the four seasons! opens up a whole nes download secttion with winter wear, green houses, new ways to die and new careers! still have to try and clear a couple of faulty downloads though...wasting space in my hard drive.

But then, just when i got the game, Maxis is faster than me....

Check out what's next:

The Sims 2: Bon Voyage, where your sims can travel to unknown regions and bring back a whole new experience, other than the ones you have in your own neighbourhood.

and coming soon:

The Sims 2: Free Time, where it concentrates on the leisure time of the sims. you can learn ballet, hobbies, football and even repair a car! I can't wait!

i need to find time from work to play more.

sick

im stuck at home, having a bout of flu, sore throat and cough.

luckily i made the decision to take mc, instead of forcing myself to go to work.

the doctor was very nice, said i was under pressure and not enough rest. that i needed more tonics. and happily gave me two days mc so i could rest. =)

yesterday was the first day in a long time i stayed at home the Whole day...yup, no strength to go out, not even for a bit of Fresh air.

but i realise ah, after i slept, i felt even worse!!

stand also wrong, sit also wrong, so uncomfortable....then start to have body ache......die ah, i scared got fever coming....

*

To add to it, me having relationship problems again....

i want to be free, but i keep getting myself tied up to unconfirmed deals....


hope i can make up my mind soon.