work sucks

im at work now....from the silent office where the only sound is the fishtank bubbling and the dripping of water from the leaking air con....

im bored......so bored....and he's throwing so much fucking work at me that i cant even find the time to do my schoolwork.....im going to die of stress soon...

i'm suppsed to think up 40 cool places, things to do, people to meet.....every fucking two weeks!! i'm not even cool...how am i supposed to know where is cool???


help.

busy busy busy

sorry for the lack of updates! i'm soooooooo busy!

writing and writing and [going out] researching.........its like a never ending story........i know i love writing but this is completely ridiculous............*faints*

i really am trying to find the time to update in the midst of my busy busy schedule.......but its kind of diffiicult cos once i have free time i sleep , read, or play games.......

well......asap, promise!

My First Assignment

I'm going for my first assignment today!

Its at Muddy Murphy's Irish Pub, the event being Singapore 11th Guinness Oyster Shucking [Opening] Championship 2007......

I don't know what to do and what to say and what information I need...I don't know who to look for........I'm afraid i'll make a fool of myself again; which is the norm when i get panicky at social situations. When I try to act cool, I usually end up falling or dropping something or knocking over something or spilling liquids...on people.

Well, i shall just go and have fun and try my best lor......what to do? For the first time, there's no guidelines, no one to ask for help, nothing but me and myself.


But you know what? I like it.

I got it!

Went for the interview for writer yesterday! I got it!


weirdly, i didn't feel as jubilant as i should be....could it be the fact that the impact of the fact that i would have to start providing for myself suddenly becomes so much clearer? Something that i have been trying to avoid for a very long time hehe. i think it was too early and i was smiling for a little too long......

fatigue = not much enthusiasm ....bummer

Now im working again, and school has started, and i have a lot of games to complete, plus a lot of pics to update...so busy..........just thinking about it makes me tired...

anyway...now i have to start being cool. have to come up with cool places to go and things to do that not many have heard of for a short start-up article. for a cheena girl that constantly sticks to the same places of interest in heartland area, how to find?? So i am counting on my beloved friends to inform me should there be any great newish restaurants, pubs, clubs, drinking-hole, shops, etc... Any ideas? =)

It's off to Bangkok!

I'm leaving for Bangkok on 24th of February, Saturday, which is tomorrow!

Everyone keeps telling me that there are repeated bombings and all and I'm actually reconsidering a bit .....but i mean i will go in the end, the money being paid and everything...I mean, even if i die, at least I die shopping right? hehehe.

Thank you for all who made this trip possible [you know who you are =)]... and i hope that I will be able to get many many things on my limited budget!

Well...recently everyone has been bugging for me to get a job. I really don't envision myself going into the IT line although its what I'm currently studying; I've always wanted to write you know? And I actually seriously considered trying for SQ as the money is good of cos, not to mention I think I would love it, the travelling and exposure......but i just dread the interviews...next intake is on March 4th, still wondering if I should go for it.....

Because after my years of bugging Darran, he finally got a lobang for me!! Its an entry level position in the magazine that he was previously working at; its like a dream come true! I've tried so long to get a chance of getting into the line and fufilling my dream of writing for a living...and finally I got an opportunity! I have already sent in my CV and am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for a reply from the guy. I think if he hasn't contacted me by the time I get back from Bangkok, I will give him a call to try and impress him with my charm [or lack of] and a lot of pleading. Do you think going on my knees and holding on to his leg while crying and speaking in a pathetic voice too much?

Well, shall keep you guys updated after Bangkok!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Quick Updates:

• i have yet to start packing my room! and CNY is drawing closer and closer! im dead meat...


• i had a small arguement with yenlin; which i will elaborate when i get the chance..


• i'm running out of books to read, running out of money to buy them, as well as running out of space to put any new ones...


• i confirmed going to bangkok; no matter how poor i will be after that.


• i dyed my hair purple! problem is, only can see the purple in strong light....so that means i have to carry a spotlight everywhere i go so that people can see the color....haiz..pics to come soon!

ermm.....thats about all at the moment. all will be elaborated soon!!

No pictures yet.

Sorry for the lack of updates! I have been so so busy recently that any free time i have is immediately spent sleeping. I have so many pictures to edit and upload but i havent got the chance to do so yet! Like yenlin's bdae, my long-overdue hongkong trip pics, few from outings and all.....haven't been bringing my camera out much cos so little chance to take photos! [plus the camera quite heavy also....-_-]

Anyway, i am also trying very hard to pack up my room before the new year rolls in!! so far i haven't seen any improvement.....and im still buying stuff, many many stuff........even though i have to save money for my next trip: BANGKOK!! going with yenlin, marcus, gladys and daniel. Yup, two couples, im going to be the odd one out, the lightbulb [sharing room with yenlin].....but i think its going to be ok.....I actually wanted to back out from the trip, when i realised that my cash situation is very very bad....but i was the one to suggest to go lor......yenlin cut me off when i hinted that i wanted to back out.........so sad......

i might have to rob someone. haiz.

my cousin in france, Jonathan, might be coming over to look for me!! he hopes that i am free to accompany him shopping, party, etc...i hope too.....he says summer, WHEN THE FUCK IS SUMMER?!?! i replied a long email about there being no seasons in Singapore and i couldnt be bothered to find out when was summer, and could he please indicate the month like his teacher taught him to. We didn't endure all the excruciating years of spelling for nothing you know!!

Anyway i hope he comes over, haven't seen him in 2 years.....he suggested a weekend getaway for us both haha...i think cos he wants to come to singapore for once and not be trapped by our aunties and uncles hahaah. but i think it would be fun to have a short trip with him. looking forward to it!

I shall end with a pic of my two delicious french cousins, Jonathan on the left and Brian on the right. Til next time!

Life is good!

Let's just say I have seen the light.......hahaha

these two days i have reverted back to the old, smiling, cheerful, happy melissa. I feel so fresh, so relaxed. After when the binds finally let go of my suffocating heart, suddenly, the world seems to be such a beautiful place.

I go where i please, do what i want...[except my homework lah....really need to get it on...]...... anywhere i wish, without having to ask permission, to give report, without having to explain why I change my location from here to there...I spent a whole blissful afternoon in east coast reading, all by myself, just doing NOTHING.....i enjoyed every single fucking minute of it.

Then I spent the night playing pool at the pub....it was great.

Later im going rollarblading by myself...haha.....hope i finally learn how to brake.....or you can look forward to a very bruised and battered me by the end of the day.

And on Saturday, ICESKATING!!!! been so long since i skated......too bad charmaine cant make it.....i remember the very last time we went skating......we were panting and all covered in perspiration after only ONE round of speed skate at jurong..........it felt like our legs were going to fall off!! Xiang dang nian ah...4-5 rounds also bo la sar..........we are getting old.....*sob*

Well....i hope my estatic mood lasts.....and not just a mask to cover up my sadness again.....my body is leaving me out of meetings and not telling me what is going on....

Later!

Its just another rainy day

I'm in my lowest period right now; wandering around aimlessly, dunno what to do, where to go, what choice to make.....i want to just run away from everything and pretend that nothing is wrong.....as i always do...but reality keeps forcing me to come to a decision.

I really love him, but i dunno what's stopping me from going back...everytime he touches me, everytime he makes references to our future, i feel so scared, so fan gan...i can't let him touch me, everything he does i get so frustrated, so angry......i just keep pushing him away; leave me alone...he is trying i know....but i'm afraid that it will all come back to square one again.

On the other hand, he, who loves me unconditionally, who gives in to my every whim and every request....i'm happy, but i'm afraid that it might not last. I dun want to hurt again, dun want to break another heart......we seem so unsuitable, but so suitable at the same time.

i choose the easy way out; dun make any choice, just give up everything, and live my own life, like nothing is wrong......

i choose freedom.

i want to do whatever i want, whenever i want. not to have to worry about another's feelings, not to have to report, not to have to ask permission or arrange a premature ending of a potentially good night.

I have friends, so many people who love and care for me. I dun have to be afraid that i will not have anything to do to occupy my time. i'm out almost everyday and every night, and i still haven't met up with all yet...

Yet, I have never felt more lonely.

Last week of work

This is officially my last week of work before I can finally get to stay at home and bum...for a while at least.....i think i have many things to do when i finally get the chance to stay home lor...

1) Finish my assignments: I am terribly overdue with my assignments. got a one week extension [til 12th jan] but till now i haven't even touched it yet....no inspiration....i have to finish it tonight cos tomorrow's the due date....God help me.

2) Play Dota with my brother: i have promised him like a million years ago that i would play it with him when i brought my computer back from the office.....well its at home now....but i havent got the time or mood to start mastering a new strategy game, even if the graphics are superb..

3) Pack my room: This ones a killer....my room is all laden with shopping bags, books, bags, new purchases, and god knows what else......i have no wall or floor left visible. Every available surface or corner is chock full of items, and making my way around my room is only possible by climbing up and down the bed, which is the only clear thing in my room. My wardrobe is overflowing, and clothes are all around the place......I HAVE TO PACK BEFORE NEW YEAR!!

thats about it so far....just thinking about them makes me tired......will update when i think of anymore...

now i have to go back to finding things to do in the office with my cousin's hawk eyes scrutinising every movement i make.

Later.

Where has all the retro gone?

Singapore clubs seriously are not paying enough attention to Retro.

Zouk was highly disappointing. Maybe we were too early.....was almost crooned to sleep with oldies from the time we got there. waited impatiently till 11pm til they finally played some decent dance music. Then i spent the better half of the night cringing at the bad mixes, the sudden changes of song and tempo, the bad timing and of cos, the bad dancing all around me. Thank God the company was great, and that was what made the night bearable.

We seriously need to find more places that play retro, that actually play music that we like...we were hoping for Boney M's remix of "Sunny", but guess the DJ was too busy playing the same old playlist every freaking Wednesday, and trying to mix two songs together without making short awkward pauses. Dedications were pointless. They are not going to fuck care about your preferences when they cant even get their own preferences to sound good. I don't think the DJ would be able to fit it in his carefully planned list.

Anyone know any nice places that play good retro music?

Mambo!

Going Zouk tonight with yenlin and meta!!

Gonna shake my bon bon all night to RETRO!

It's a New Year

Another year has past. Looking back, I feel exhausted. 2006 wasn't exactly one of my best years.

In 2006, I made many new friends and rekindled old friendships. I found out who really cared about me and who were only passing by.

In 2006, I made my first trip without a boyfriend, or family member.

In 2006, I left the person I love.

In 2006, I cried more in a month than I did for the past two years.

In 2006, I got my first bouquet of flowers from him.

In 2006, I realised how much I really wanted to have children.

In 2006, I realised how afraid I was of marriage, and how I was not ready for commitment.

In 2006, I hurt a friend.

In 2006, my clothes couldn't fit anymore.

In 2006, a lot of people got married.

In 2006, a lot of people got pregnant.

In 2006, Jennie welcomed Jared into our lives.

In 2006, I learnt the meaning of courage when she decided to keep the baby and put it up for adoption, because someone needs it more than her.

In 2006, I realised how much my parents really understood me and my need for freedom.

In 2006, I broke someone's heart.

I'm in a miserable state right now. 2007. Yeah.

Happy New Year!

I'm back from HongKong...i'm still nursing my numb feet....i swear my legs are going to fall of soon....

Pictures and commentary to come soon after i have done the usual editing!!!


Happy New Year everyone!!

Girl's Night Out: Let the drinks come!~ Part 2

It was just terrible...

So FREAKIN' BORING!!


Well, firstly, shane insisted on joining us, not that we mind, and the whole platoon came along with him.....so girl's night out: NOT!

Then yenlin kept saying she was tired and all.......

Then Linda got psychoed by shane to go to Zouk instead. I WAS wondering how he managed to do that, cos Phuture was the destination and it was only RnB[the whole freakin' night]; while me, linda and yenlin were pure Retro buffs through and through. Anyway, since shane said that linda was okay with Zouk, i agreed, and yenlin agreed.........

we got tortured by a whole night of seemingly RnB music, with undetectable singing in an unrecognisable language, and a lot of American wannabes trying their best to dance to the horrible repetitive music. -_-

so after much arm-twisting, apparantly shane LIED to linda and told her that it was RETRO so that we would join him at zouk...................!@#$^% ()



Yenlin left at 11.50pm

Me and linda fought out way through the throngs of sweaty people to get to the toilet at 12.34am.....as we stared at the idiots struggling to climb the stairs to phuture, a sudden desolute feeling of tiredness overwhelmed us and we went to the coffeeshop opp to have a drink instead.

I left at 1.20am.


The night of fun turned into a night of boredom.


Sian.....-_- I was planning to get drunk lor.......I didn't even get high lor..no kick whatsoever..




We will have retro! As soon as I get back from Hong Kong!

Hehe........tentatively I'm leaving tomorrow night!!

So it will be 买东西，吃东西, 买东西，吃东西,买东西，吃东西.


Happy Holidays Everyone!

Girl's Night Out: Let the drinks come!

I'm going out clubbing with linda and yenlin tonight! Haven't been clubbing ALONE since god-knows-when; and we haven't clubbed together since yenlin's 21st birthday...which was like almost 4 YEARS AGO~~

i still remember:

me, yenlin, linda and gladys went to Madam Wong to celebrate yenlin's birthday. yenlin had one drink with us from the newly-opened vodka bottle and a waterfall from her kind bartender friend and she ran off, leaving linda in the dangerous company of me!

I remember I kept mixing the drinks for linda as i got increasingly drunk, resulting in forcing her to "Ta" many full glasses of 3/4 vodka and 1/4 7up!!! I kept assuring her that the liquor level looked high cos of the ice ["it's the ice! its the ice!"]! Gladys wisely kept a slight distance and sipped her drink when me and linda kept bottoms up!

The night ended with yenlin hugging the toilet bowl, smiling at us and saying "I'm not drunk!", at the same time punctuating each sentance by violently throwing up the contents of the night's dinner; and me and linda giggling non-stop as we danced out-of-beat to the suddenly ridiculously loud music. All of us spent the whole of the next day nursing our hangovers...

I am looking forward to tonight! Sure will be fun! We are going to drink and be merry like there's no tomorrow!! No Drunk No Home! Hehe~

And before I forget,

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Hong Kong Here I Come!!

i'm going to hong kong!! i just suddenly decided to take marcus's advice and went ahead and planned a immediate trip to calm my nerves and take a break from the chaos that i have been going through these few weeks. was actually thinking of just any old country, anywhere that will take me away from singapore......beach resorts, thailand for shopping or whatever....... but my friend had to insist on going to Hong Kong lor....

Not that i'm against it, but the problem is that it's SUPER expensive now...really burned a BIG BIG hole in my small pocket, and i'm not even sure if i have enough to spend after paying for the flight and hotel and what-nots.....and even for shopping everything there is for the winter season, what to buy?!?!? The plus is that the weather is deliciously cold at the moment, the same as the last time i went to Hong Kong. That means i can satisfy my winter jacket fetish and wrap up in the warm jackets and trenchcoats and boots that i can't wear in singapore for fear of fainting from heatstroke. And I can go see all the things that I missed out the last time i was there. [Disneyland, Watch Out!!] I'm also going to attack the street vendors and eat the fishballs[damn shoik!] till they start oozing out of my ears.

I hope i enjoy it. Really excited hehehe!

so many things to do, so little time

have been SUPER busy recently! my schedule is chock-full of appointments and what nots...busy arranging meetings with people i haven't seen in a long time...actually its kinda tiring, cos its like i have to keep entertaining and thinkin of things to say and repeating my sob story to all.........duhz.....when i rather meet those few that i truely feel comfortable with....

its been one heck of a rollar coaster ride, and its only been 3 weeks! i want to get off, and get rid of this nauseating feeling of suffocation, panic and fear that my seatbelt will give way and i will fall from my seat and plummet to my untimely death.

Can I help it if i'm such a good catch that he is unwilling to let go?

well... TOO BAD. Its too late.