heartbreak

being my usual kaypo paranoid suspicious self, last night i looked through his mobile again..

he created a folder to specially keep all the bitch's pictures.

why? is she so important that he has to consolidate all her pictures in a folder? is it for easy viewing for himself? and it was done only last week.

i feel that i have wasted my time, my energy, on a cause that is not worth it. after trying so hard, to trust him, to believe, to forget and forgive, i still have to stumble upon a whole fucking folder dedicated to her.

i told him; she has to disappear, no more calls, no more msgs....like she never existed..

he said he just wanted to put everything together so i wouldn't find it here and there. he said that there was nothing and that it was only a memory. did he honestly think that i would think that way?? how could he even think that i would be happy with him keeping that fucking bitch pictures in his mobile and computer???

i'm trying so hard, to not mention, to be happy and to make him happy. i'm trying...so hard...

why can't he just make me trust him.

*

i had a bad night. i dreamt that i tried to forget everything and be acquaintances with that bitch, and allowed him to talk to her.
then i realised that he was lying to me, constantly contacting her and meeting up with her....like the last time when he lied to me..

in the dream, i confronted him...and he said that he would continue, whether i liked it or not...

i cried and cried....i was so lost, i felt so stupid.

i walked off and went to ask the bitch, if she could just leave him alone. begging.

i was so weak, so lousy.....

i woke up in tears.

what am i going to do.