its so hard

why is it so difficult for me to let go of the past? the paronoia is killing me, like a snake uncoiling inside, waiting to attack.

all i want is to feel that he cares, that he loves me...that i matter more, that i'm more important.....

i try to tell him, to make him understand...but he thinks i'm possessive, and sensitive...how can i explain how i feel? should i just stupidly take it that nothing is wrong and blindly plunge into the darkness?

dear, do you really prefer me to be dumb?

being a couple, we must compromise, we have to not do things to make each other unhappy, we should make each other comfortable instead right? i really don't want things to be so unhappy...i'm so tired of apologising. i just want it to be the two of us ONLY...and nothing else. i want to feel that i am important to him, that he is also trying to keep me by his side, instead of asking me to fuck off everytime we quarrel.

what will happen if we get married? he said he has changed...but he still shouts at me in public, he still has his MCP habits, so what if he lets me go out now? that's not what i want now. when i remind him of his promise, he says that he doesn't like to make promises to me cos i keep reminding him of it. WTF?? now even making promises is wrong? so i can't remind him of it anymore??

I have never been the submissive kind of girl who sits there and agrees to everything you say like an idiot. i will give in, but i will also fight for my rights and what i think is right. i am not a weak woman. i am not an idiot.

maybe the BF prefers idiots.

i don't feel loved anymore.

i don't feel he needs me anymore.




i feel like giving up.