relationship blues episode 2

now he's back...but the funny thing is that how we are behaving is like he has never been away at all...i actually planned to be more affectionate, you know, to make up for my late nights and to show him that i missed him while he was away......but.........zilch.....nothing...

i mean, after such a long time away, shouldnt there be more hugs and kisses and touches? isn't it supposed to be like that when u love someone? you have to keep being physically close and keep looking adoringly at the person of your desire? [read too many books liao]......at least show SOME sign of love right?..........but he seemed more interested in sex and meeting up with his friends...that was when i saw true happiness in his eyes. not when he saw me.

Maybe i'm too sensitive?or maybe im expecting too much? or maybe i'm just finding a reason to break it off with him.....he does care about me, and he tries.......i really dunno what i want anymore..

I'm so confused!! aiyo....why cant i just be contented with what i have? not many gals can have a bf that is willing to spend everyday together, and bring her out when she is bored, bring her back to a place that they just came from cos she suddenly decided to buy the blouse that she saw earlier.


i went to the Goddess of Mercy Temple to qiu qian that day....apparantly i "am drunk, but drinks again." I am supposed to "Revert back to my past to avoid calamity"..... i spent much time thinking how to relate the qian to my situation...actually quite zhun leh. but due to my short-term memory, i am unable to tell you the whole thing....cos i forgot like 1/2 hr after i read it.... -_-

I am planning to go again leh......to really sit there and try to understand what God is trying to tell me...as I am very confused now. Thinking why can't i just focus on the good stuff and forget the bad stuff.....then i will be happier...like i have no more choice liao.....si lu yi tiao...

I will never learn to accept or be contented......i always want more, but make myself miserable cos i dun wan to give up what little good that i am having now. Greedy.



note: just read the post over...i sound very luan..and quite boring also hahaha. sorry ah...too many things on my mind liao to be my usual witty self. shall tell u all about it when i qiu my next qian.

relationship blues

ever since he has been gone, i seem to be having the time of my life to everyone and anyone who observes me. am i really so desperate for freedom? to the extent that i seem to have gone crazy, coming home late every night?

my frens say i wan freedom, that i have been locked up for too long, that im not ready...still wan to play......i feel that its cos i never get to have this kind of choice as to where i wan to go and who i go out wif and what time i have to be home......spent all my life held in the clutches of my parents; now when they finally let loose a bit, my bf takes over....now its deja vu. the things he says, the things he does, is like my Father.

the funny thing is, i recently met up wif a group of good friends, and we all are stuck in suffocating relationships. Is it really as bad as we put it? or are we just not ready to settle down so early?......i think and know that all the bravado talk is just for show, in the end , we'll just go running back to the ex or get a new relationship; and everything will come back to square one.....especially me.....because i know that i can't survive on my own. I am afraid to be alone.

im afraid no one would want to marry me...my character seems wild and my past is colorful, even if i now am the best wife in the world, any guy would just take me as a temporary thing...they would just wan to have a good lay, not a wife, because of my open-mindedness and my frank nature....meta says im not wife material.....and i know that my image has been tainted in their eyes...but its my own fault....

now im contemplating being single again....but i know that i would never do it. because i dun hate him enough to do it.....and plus the being alone thing and the scared no one wants me thing.....im afraid to fall in love with someone that doesnt love me back..........

relationship sucks......chris said that im feeling this way because im enjoying myself without him around, so i would think that being single has its perks.....but after a while, because of my fear of loneliness, i would start missing having him around again.....so i can only wait and see what i feel when he's back.


i still think its retribution....but all the guys i ever really liked and cared for, never liked me back. am i really destined to be alone?


Is it very stupid if i break up with someone who wants to be with me forever just because he doesn't let me go out?

i'm back!

finally almost done with all my schoolwork! hopefully will get to rest longer this time...

with the BF not around, i'm taking this chance to catch up with all my long-time-no-see friends....not that it makes a lot of difference, cos i have to report strength when i get home, call him at regular intervals [to China, mind you], webcam almost everynight or weekends when im still at home and he hasnt gone out yet.........and he's making a lot of noise whenever i come home late.......i wonder how long i can take it.......its suffocating sometimes.
as i always say, he might as well just lock me up in a room, cut a cat-flap to push food through and come in when he has the need for me...bummer.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

was surfing the net when i came across another webcomic strip:

source from www.downtoearthcomic.com


was going to write a long, intellectual critique about this strip...but i think it kinda explains itself.


Think and reflect, people, think and reflect.