You know when you are broken hearted, everything else around you seems dreary too. Even the trees dun seem so green, the sky seems more grey than blue. Birds chirp sad melodies and sad songs with significant lyrics play out of the radio.
The tea that used to be so sweet seems bitter, the food you once enjoyed so much seems bland. Time seems to come to a standstill, while everyone else's go on as normal.
You look in the mirror and all you see is a broken soul, greyish skin, with tears threatening to fall out of the sad sad eyes. All you want to is hide alone, staring into space, and just cry and cry and cry.
Question after question flits through your mind.
What went wrong? Was I not worth it? Why didn't you love me? Questions you have no answer to, or with answers that you are unwilling to accept.
But you said you loved me. I can give you happiness. I will do anything for you.
The hurt. The pain. Like a knife cutting up your insides; the squeezing of the heart till it aches and you shout for it to stop. The torture as you imagine him with someone else, hugging, kissing, loving. The sadness that makes your body go numb and mind go blank. An impenetratable wall of hurt you envelope yourself, so no one can enter your heart anymore.
Friends try to console you, some just listening, some trying to distract you, some scolding you and telling you it was bound to happen; left and right, people telling you they understand, not to take it too hard, to move on, repeating their own experiences, and then plying you with alcohol. It's one of those times when everyone helps you get drunk.
You start to make fun of your own situation, smiling and laughing to pacify the worried friends as an appreciation for their efforts to cheer you up. But your own laughter sounds hollow, and smile forced. It takes all your strength to just pretend to be happy, when all you wanna do is break down and sob loudly. But it messes up your makeup, plus there's so many other pple around; its embarrassing. You don't want the whole world to know you got dumped.
No matter how much you say you don't need a man, that you will not want him back even though he comes begging, deep deep down you know that you still love him with all your heart, that he was all you ever wanted, that a part of you will forever have the hope that he would one day come back willingly, after everything has settled. And you will always secretly keep that faith, that he will remember you and that he loves you, that he will return.
Even though there may be others, or even though it may be a long wait, the faith will still be there, because love still exists. Love so strong you can't breathe, love so unconditional and true. Even if he never comes back, you will wish him happiness and remember all the perfect, perfect moments that only you two will share.
**
It was so perfect.
Baby, I love you so much.
Why did you have to leave me?
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