it was so hard. he said he couldn't make it without me. he begged me not to leave, to give him another chance, to start afresh. I wanted to, but i couldn't do it. i know that the longer i dragged it on, the harder it would be. i still love him, but i know that I needed to let go.
The tears just kept flowing; then a sense of relief. Stabs of guilt, painful tug in my chest.
Remember our dreams? Remember our promises? Our casual talks for the wedding, our kids. The carpet we bought and wrapped in brown paper for next time? The figurines i loved? your plans for the house, the planning of our life together. It's over.
He is still being so sweet, calling and msging me like it never happened; treating me in the way that makes me so happy. Why must you always be so nice after something happens? Why can't you keep it like that always? Why did you have to wait til it was too late to try and salvage the situation?
It's too late.
But now, i can finally be myself. I can finally do what i want. I keep thinking if I would regret this.... i feel so lost, so confused; but at the same time, so relieved, happy, like a huge load has been lifted off.
Seeing him struggle, so alone, my heart aches just thinking about it....but i want him to learn to live life without me. I love him and i want him to be happy, but not at the extent of my own happiness; not anymore. I know he can find someone out there much better, more suitable for him [although my heart will ache if i ever know].
Some say i'm so stupid to throw away something so beautiful, so stable; to give up on someone who loves me wholeheartedly...can't i be more tolerant, just overlook the bad.........but i just don't see it happening at this moment. I can't tolerate now.
Maybe taking a break from each other is the best thing to do now. I really don't know i we will get back together. Only time will tell.
Dear, i love you. I'm sorry.
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