in agony

i am in pain.

the whole of today moping around home, not knowing what to do or where to go.
all the time wondering why? why does he do what he does?
why did he have to do the same thing again, without thinking about how i felt?
why, when everything was going fine?

suddenly i realise, this is the end.
i don't mean enough.
i cant help but have the hope, cos i really care so much about him.

but...i am not his first priority.

what i want is simple: someone whom i love who loves me back.
whose first priority is me, who has me on his mind every minute;
someone who trusts me and my love, who is honest and true to me.
who can't live without me, who will reject all other advances, as he loves only me.

i want to make him laugh, share his problems, go through the ups and downs together.
we can have fun together, be silly together, have a connection that no one can penetrate.


he doesn't seem to realise i have feelings, and hurts me over and over.
i just want him to stop being so mean, and believe in me.
i want to feel the security and love.
i wish the silence would stop.




i want an answer.